You are supposed to feel lost in your twenties.

You are supposed to feel lost in your twenties.

I used to think that I knew what I wanted in life. I thought I knew who I was. I had a plan, I thought once I graduated university, I would wake up every morning excited for work that paid well. I thought I would have time after work to enjoy myself and have fun. I thought I would have travelled a lot and explored many different cities on my bucket list.

And yet here I am, feeling more lost than ever. There are days where I feel like an old lady, the days I’m in bed by 8:30 reading a book. Then there are some weekends that consist of me lounging around in my PJ’s. Am I an adult? It’s actually really hard making friends as a twenty-something and adulting is much harder than it sounds.

When I was younger, I used to think that in my twenties I would have my life together. I would have my dream job, a car, a house, I thought I’d even be engaged. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. Now, as days go by, I just feel more and more lost.

I have friends that have just landed their dream jobs, I have friends that are getting engaged, I have friends that are married and I have friends that have kids. And me? I must say ‘what the fuck am I doing with my life?’ At least 3 times a day.

Note to remember: No one lives the life their social media pictures suggest.

I have been lost for a while now. I have tried my best to figure myself out. Only recently have I come to terms with the fact that people in their twenties, in fact people in their thirties and even forties don’t actually have their life together. They don’t know what they are doing. People just get better at faking it.

In your twenties you are allowed to question who you are, you are allowed to turn down friends, because you would rather sit at home in your PJ’s and watch Netflix. You are allowed to have ‘you’ time without feeling guilty. You are allowed to be broke when you’ve finished university. You are allowed to spend your own money on the things you want. You are allowed to act like a kid. And most importantly you are allowed to be happy.

I think, sometimes we forget that your twenties are hard. We forget that it’s completely normal to feel lost, especially when you are trying to figure yourself out. In your twenties you are changing every minute of everyday. Your twenties are the years where you need to take risks. Taking risks will lead you to a whole different place, and maybe you will fall into a place and find yourself doing what you love. It’s all a part of the experience.

Note to remember: You are not the only one going through this.

What I’m trying to say is, if you are in your twenties and lost, it’s okay. If you have no idea what you are doing with your life, that’s okay. If your feel like shit, that’s okay. We all feel like shit sometimes. You are still young, with time you will figure ‘shit’ out.

“At 23, JK Rowling was broke. Tina Fey was working at the Y.M.C.A. Oprah had just gotten fired from her first job as a TV reporter and Walt Disney had declared bankruptcy.” Did any of these successful people give up? Nope! These people knew exactly what they were capable of doing with themselves. And we are no different. There is so much more to us than we think right now. We know that there is a better version of ourselves. We just haven’t found it yet.

I know exactly what it feels like to be 23 and lost. And I sure as hell know that it is the worst place on earth.

You are not lost. You’re just living.

Mariam x

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