It’s only been 27 days of 2019 and I feel like 2019 has already taught me so much. Honestly, over the past few weeks I’ve cried so much. I feel like that’s all I’m doing. Feeling sorry for myself because life isn’t going the way that I wanted it. I’m having therapy on a weekly basis because I’m going through probably the worst time of my life. “It’s going to be okay’. I tell myself before I leave the house every morning. I’ve come to learn that ‘Hope’ is the most powerful word in the English dictionary.
Happiness, is something we all strive for right? The number of times I’ve said to myself ‘just try and be happy’, ‘stop being sad’, ‘just smile’. You see, you can decide that you no longer want to be miserable, sad or moody. Yes, you can change your mindset to happiness. But, I think what we forget about ‘emotion’, is that you can’t control it all the time. We live in a world where society expects us to be happy because no one will like us if we are sad or depressed. Happiness is something we all wish to pursue and therefore, sadness is rejected.
Sadness exists. Sometimes we all feel a little sad or angry. Sometimes we start crying because it’s all just getting too much. Sometimes we throw things in anger and scream. You see, sometimes you can’t control those emotions. And happiness is just like those emotions. You can’t force yourself to be happy. So, lets embrace sadness just like we do happiness.
I was sat in bed and I was just thinking of a few small things that made me happy this week so I thought I’d write them down.
1. Coffee: I’ve had 10 cups of coffee this week. The baristas at costa coffee know my name and order. Every day this week I walked into the same costa coffee and the same barista said “Medium Caramel Latte?”, “Yes, please”. – I think I’m addicted and it’s not good for my bank account.
2. New Books: This week I got three new books to add to my reading list. The school for good and evil by Sonam Chainani, Holding up the universe by Jennifer Niven and Girl in Pieces by Kathleen Glasgow.
3. My essay: I finished a part of an essay that I’ve been procrastinating on for weeks. Still, a long way to go. But baby steps right.
4. Saw my crush: He probably doesn’t even acknowledge my existence but I saw him a few times whilst parking my car at the train station and on the train a few times this week.
5. Hugs: I think I got more than a few hugs this week. And it might just have made my whole day.
I also had several breakdowns and I think thats okay.
These may not look or seem like big things but I think after everything I’ve been going through they are big to me.