2019 in review..

2019 was certainly not my year. 2019 really broke me down, at times, it knocked me to my knees, leaving me grasping for breath and longing for the strength to carry on. This year, I’ve sat cried in my car more times than I can count. I’ve cried parked in empty parking lots because I could just not face going home. I’ve sat parked in my driveway after the hardest day at work. There have been times this year where I barely held myself together. 

2019 as much as I am happy to see you go. I cannot thank you enough for all the lessons you have taught me. You taught me that no matter what, people leave. Yes, it hurts and it is going to hurt, it might even hurt for a very long time. But, you have to let them go. No matter how good or kind of a person you are, you will get hurt. Some people don’t care how they made you feel. I guess some people don’t care when their actions have hurt other people. 2019 taught me that not everyone you meet is going to stay, and that’s okay.

2019  taught me that no matter what, people die. Death is the one thing that is promised. You will lose people in your life that you love, as much as you want to do something to help them. You can’t. 2019 taught me that life really can change in the blink of an eye. This year taught me that nothing comes to you. In order to succeed, you need to leave your comfort zone. This year taught me that you cannot always remain in your comfort zone, you will always be able to come up with an excuse if you look for one, so stop looking for one. If you don’t come out of your comfort zone you won’t grow into a more beautiful, well-rounded version of yourself.  2019 taught me that your mental health comes first, if it’s going to cost you your mental health, it’s not worth it. This year taught me that bad things happen, and mostly to good people. Also, that bravery comes in many forms, we are all fighting demons in our lives every single day. 2019 taught me that nobody knows your story. Nor do you know theirs. So, be kind. Always.

2019, after everything, I forgive you for all the struggles, the tears, the stress and uncertainty that you placed in my life. 2019, as much as I am happy to say goodbye to you, I appreciate you. If it wasn’t for you I would not have met some of the most incredible people that I have come to call my friends. 2019, after everything.  Looking back, I have a lot of memories, there have been days where I have laughed a lot, and at times as much as I felt like I wasn’t worthy of being alive. After everything, there have been times that made me feel happy to be alive. 2019, you threw a lot at me. I think I’ve proved that I can cope with just about anything that comes my way. 

As the year comes to a close. So it begins. The beginning of a very new chapter. The sun will rise on a new decade. 2020… I’m ready for everything that you will throw at me. I think I’ve proved in 2019 that I can handle just about anything. Here’s to new beginnings, new stories, new decades, new mornings, here’s to success, happiness, here’s to family and friends, here’s to smiling and happy tears and shoulders to lean on when things become tough. I promise to face everything with nothing but courage, optimism, and resilience. 

Mariam x

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