Does anyone really have it together?

I like to pretend that I have my life together. I like to pretend that I know exactly what I’m doing, and where I’m going in life. Truth is. I don’t. I’ve just become unbelievably good at lying.

It’s 2018. The people I know on my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are getting engaged, getting married, having babies, buying their first homes and settling. Me? I just had pasta for dinner fourth night in a row.

I lay in bed scrolling through my Instagram feed. I see the people I graduated and went to school with announcing their engagements, some are about to be parents and some are about to get married. And I’m sat here with my I think fifth coffee of the day.

I used to think that after I graduate, I would finally have my shit together and become an adult. But, as days go by I’m realising that there is no such thing as ‘having your shit together’ or even ‘being an adult’. Yes, you can do ‘adult things’ like pay your bills, get married, have children. But, if you think there will come a day where you will have it all figured out and finally have your shit together. I’m sorry, but you are going to be waiting forever.

I think that we all have just become so good at lying and ‘faking it’. We like to post half our lives on social media, so people think that we have our shit together. But, in reality. I don’t think anyone does. We just like seeking validation through likes of people that we barely even know.

I sometimes wonder how people perceive me by what I post and the life I paint on social media. Do people look at me and go ‘yes, she certainly has her life together.’ They have no idea of whats really going on in my life.

They don’t see the panic attack I had before leaving the house this morning. They don’t see the tears I’ve cried before falling asleep. They don’t see how stressed I am because I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. They don’t see my mental illness that I’m fighting every single day.  I think that it’s sad how we compare ourselves to what we see on social media. We compare ourselves to our friends, who we think have achieved so much since leaving school or graduating, and we wish our lives looked ‘like that’.

It’s funny because we fully know that our social media doesn’t truly represent our lives. Yet, we sit and compare ourselves to everyone else’s highlights.

So, does anyone really have their shit’ together? or have we all just become so good at lying, pretending, faking and assuming that we sort of have our lives together.

This is for all the ‘adults’ that are pretending, lying and faking it like me. Know that we are fucking up together.

Mariam x